Haunting Memories
by TalidaMueller
Summary: I wrote this Story for the 'Semi Official BTR One Shot Day 2013' -Kendall will never forget, that was sure. But will he let the horrible memories which are haunting him, especially at this special day destroy him, or will he learn to live with them and accept it, so he can continue to live his life in peace?


**Okay, I decided to write this one shot for the "Semi Official BTR One Shot Day 2013" I really hope you all will enjoy my story and please let me know what you think. :)**

**Thanks. :)**

_I don't own anything!_

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LA is beautiful, the sun is shining, the wind is not too strong, not too mild and everything seemed fine.

Everyone at the Palm Wood seemed in a good mood, even Bitters.

Except for four teenage boys.

Kendall and his three best friends, James, Carlos and Logan, which are a world famous band called Big Time Rush or short BTR which live also in the Palm Woods overslept big time, because they forgot that Mrs. Knight and Katie were out of town for the day and couldn't wake them up like they always did.

Katie and her mother decided to go to San Diego for the they so they could have a bit time for themselves and distract.

"GUYS! Has any of you seen my helmet?" Carlos, the 'funny one' and oldest of the group yelled, desperately trying to find his helmet which he always wears.

"No! Where have you seen it last?" Logan, the 'smart one' and second oldest of

BTR yelled back at him.

"Don't you think if I'd know that I wouldn't be searching for it right now?" The little Latino gave him a due look.

Logan just rolled his eyes and continued to hurry, getting ready so they won't be any later.

"James! Are you STILL in the bathroom?!" Logan yelled for his friend.

"Perfection needs time!" James, the 'pretty one' and second youngest yelled back through the closed bathroom door.

"Whatever. Just hurry up! I don't know about you, but I don't want to be yelled at anymore than necessary!" Logan told him.

"Hey Logan?" Carlos asked.

"Oh Carlos, for the last time: No, I don't know where your helmet is! If you'd take more care of your things this wouldn't have happened again!"

"That wasn't what I meant." he said.

Logan turned around, noticing something was different in his voice.

"Have you seen Kendall?" he asked worried.

"Not since we all woke up this morning and hurried to get ready and he stayed in bed. I hope for him that he isn't in his bed anymore." Logan said in a pretended dangerous voice.

Logan went to go to their shared room when Carlos stopped him.

"What?" Logan asked.

"You know what day it is, right?" Carlos asked him.

"Uhm, Friday, why does it matter?" he asked confused.

"No, I mean the date...you remember what happened a few years ago?" Carlos continued, hoping his younger friend would get what he was trying to say.

Logan thought for a moment and then it hit him. Hard.

"Oh god, I totally forgot!" He said, suddenly feeling very bad and guilty.

"But I guess he didn't." Carlos said sadly.

"But still, we have to go to the studio. I'll go wake him up. Do you want to join me?" Logan asked.

"Sure."

The two friends made their way to their room to wake Kendall up. But when they entered they saw Kendall already showered, fully dressed and ready to leave sitting on the edge of his bed.

They stopped and stayed in the doorway to look at their youngest friend.

Kendall didn't noticed that Logan and Carlos had entered because he was too deep in his own thoughts.

He sat on his bed and looked at a picture he always has in his wallet.

A picture which reminds him on his best days and his worst day.

A picture he keeps with him everywhere he goes and made always sure it is still there.

"Hey man, you're okay?" Carlos asked him quietly, bringing the blond back to reality.

"Oh, hey guys. I didn't see you come in. Is everyone ready to leave?" he asked a little nervous, hating the fact that his best friends had caught him in such a weak and private moment.

"Almost, James is still in the bathroom, trying to look great." Carlos said and rolled his eyes at the tallest of the band.

"Hey! What do you mean with TRY to look great?!" James barked when he entered their room too.

"I always look gr-" he begun but shut up when he saw whats going on in the room.

"Oh, is everything okay?" he asked, feeling bad he just cared for his look when his friends had much more important things going on and he didn't knew.

"So, I guess we're all ready to leave." Kendall said and jumped off the bed, trying to get the attention off of him.

"Uh, yeah, but don't you want to-" James tried to say but was cut of by Kendall.

"Come on guys. Do you want Gustavo to be even more angry at us than he already is?" Kendall tried his best to smile at them when he walked past his three best friends through the door.

"No. Let's go." Logan said, realising that it has no use to try and get Kendall to talk with them how he felt.

**X**

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"Dogs!" Gustavo yelled in his normal loud voice.

"You're late! Again!" He continued to scream at the four teenage boys which just entered his studio.

"Look Gustavo, today was pretty stressful and we're sor-" James started before the big producer interrupted him rudely.

"Doesn't matter! Now go, in the studio before we waste more time with talking." Gustavo said.

The boys groaned and made their way to the studio.

_One hour later:_

"Okay, stop! STOP!" Gustavo yelled again and got hit in the arm from Kelly.

"What was that?!" he continued quieter.

"Uh...singing?" Carlos suggested.

"NO!" he yelled.

Kelly glared at him and he instantly calmed himself.

"THAT was not singing. You're totally off key. What is the problem?" he asked the band.

"Today is just not our day." James told him.

Just now Gustavo noticed that it was always either James, Carlos or Logan which answered him.

His normally loudest dog, Kendall, who ALWAYS had to talk back was unusually quiet.

He changed a look with his young assistant which seems to notice that something was off about Kendall too.

She slightly shook her head and signalised him that he shouldn't confront them and just let it by itself.

"Alright, how about you boys take a little break and eat and drink something and then we try it again." he finally said.

"Thank you Gustavo" James said and they left the recording booth.

Kelly made sure they are out of sight before she turned to Gustavo.

"Do you have any clue what's wrong?" she asked him a little worried.

"I don't know. Maybe they really just have a bad day?" he suggested.

"Hmm" was all she replied, still thinking about what it could be which ….the leader of Big Time Rush.

**X**

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"You okay dude?" Carlos asked his blond friend.

"Guys, for the last time. I'm fine." Kendall said a little annoyed.

The whole day the boys are asking him how he feels, if he wanted to talk or if they could do anything for him and to be honest, Kendall was more that a little annoyed by now.

"When you say so. But you know you can always talk to us if you have the urge to, right?" Logan asked him.

Kendall just signed and looked at him. "Yes Logan, I know." he said.

They sat on the white couch and ate and drunk while talking about random stuff until a few minutes later Kelly called them back in the studio.

After three more hours they were finally done and allowed to leave the studio.

"Okay, what are we doing today? If you'd ask me, I'd like to go eat something,

I'm hungry." Carlos said in a good mood.

"Carlos, you're ALWAYS hungry." Logan said with a smirk.

"Hey, that's not true!" the little Latino complained.

James just looked at him.

"Okay, I can eat often, but not always." he admitted.

"Whatever." James smiled.

"What are you in the mood for, Kendall?" Logan asked the youngest of the group.

"Hm?" Kendall looked up when he heard his name, not really paying attention to the conversation.

"What do you want to do?" Logan repeated himself.

"Oh, I don't know. I'm fine with what you guys wan to do." He shrugged.

"Oh C'mon, buddy. You have to be in the mood for something..." Carlos said unbelieving.

"Guys, really I'm not really in the mood for anything. I just want to get over with this day." he told them.

That quieted the other three.

Kendall, noticing he just ruined the good mood felt bad and decided to just act like he is having fun.

"Alright, let's go eat something before Carlos fells over" he smiled.

"Yey! Where are we going?" Carlos asked excited.

"Hm, how about Pizza?" Logan asked.

"No, I'd prefer Burgers." James said.

"Then let's go to Lucy's Diner. They have Pizza AND Burgers." Kendall told them.

"Ok, then what are we waiting for? I'm hungry!" Carlos said and was already on his way.

"Yo, Carlos. Wait for us dude!" James yelled after him and the others started running after him laughing about their friend.

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_Kendall's Flashback:_

_'Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there with open arms and open eyes yeah. Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there, I'll be there,...'_

The air in the car was filled with the sound by Drive by Incubus which ca_me from the radio and by the voices from 10 year old Kendall and his father Ken which joined the song and almost yelled the lyrics._

_They sat in the car for almost one hour and were now on their way home._

_Ken invited his son to a game from their favorite Hockey team, the Minissota Wilds._

_When the young boy heard where they were going he was more than happy._

_He loved it when it was just him and his dad._

_Of course, he loves Katie and his Mom, but it is still different if it is just him and his dad._

_His dad and Hockey is the best combination, so how could he not be happy._

"_Haha, did you enjoy the day big man?" Ken asked between laughter._

"_Yeah, the day was amazing, thanks dad." he smiled._

_They drove for another 15 minutes and talked about the game and random stuff when it started getting darker and on top of that it started snowing pretty much._

"_How long will it take us until we're home?" Kendall asked in a calm voice, kn_owing _his dad had to concentrate._

"_Don't worry, no more than 20 minutes." he answered him, never looking away from the road._

_Kendall could clearly hear that his dad was nervous, even if he tried to hide it. _

_So the young boy decided to stay quiet and let his dad fully concentrate on driving._

_They drove for a little bit more than 5 minutes when the car started sliding uncontrolled._

"_Dad..." Kendall called out for him worried and no longer able to keep his voice calm._

"_Everything is find, buddy. Just sit still." he told him through clenched teeth._

_Kendall watched his dad with concern as he tried to get the car under control._

_Finally it seems as if he has the car under control again._

"_Puh, pretty stressful, huh?" he smiled at Kendall._

_Kendall just smiled back, happy nothing happened._

_And that was when something happened._

_Through the strong snowfall Ken couldn't see where the car was._

_Obviously while trying to get the control over the car back it slide on the other side of the street, where now a Truck was coming their way._

_Before Ken could react and bring himself and his son in safety the Truck hit the drives side._

_Kendall heard his dad scream full of pain and fear, a sound he knew he would never be able to forget._

_Then the pain hit him and everything went black._

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"Kendall?"

When Kendall heard his name called he snapped out of his thoughts.

"Huh?" he asked, not knowing which one of his friends called him.

"Dude, c'mon you should eat something. You haven't even touched your burger yet." James said in a worried voice which made Kendall angry again.

Why couldn't they see that Kendall doesn't want any pity and doesn't want to worry his friends.

"I told you I'm not hungry!" he snapped back without meaning to.

All his friends jumped, surprised at Kendall sudden outburst.

"Uhm, if you say so." James said quiet and highly uncomfortable.

"So you..don't want to eat your Burger?" Carlos asked from the other side of the table with shining eyes, an empty plate and a with burger sauce messed up mouth.

"Go ahead." Kendall said and pushed his Burger to Carlos, knowing exactly what he wants.

"Thanks man, you're the best." The Latino hurried to say before he shove the Burger in his moth and in his rush splashed sauce on Logan' shirt.

"Hey! Carlos gross!" Logan shrieked.

"'or-y." Carlos apologized as good as possible with a full mouth.

Logan rolled his eyes and looked back at Kendall.

**X**

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_Logan's flashback:_

_10 year old Logan sat in his math lesson, enjoying it more than everybody his age._

_He looked over to one of his best friends Carlos. The little boy was about to fall asleep, so Logan threw a scrunched paper at him and laughed at his expression when it hit his head._

_Carlos did get it wrong. He thought Logan did it to tease him and threw it back at him._

_The paper ball flew directly in Logan' face and shut the boy which glared at Carlos._

_James chuckled from his place, trying to be not too loud so they won't get punished from the teacher._

_'James Diamond, Logan Mitchel and Carlos Garcia in the office please.' came from the speaker._

_The three friends changed a look, wondering which one of their pranks caused them trouble again._

_The got up and went to the office._

"_What do they possibly want from us?" Carlos asked confused._

"_I don't know. Probably we'll get punished because of a prank they didn't think was funny." Logan answered back._

"_Oh, that's so not fair! When we prank someone we're always four but Kendall is not here to get his punishment!" Carlos complained._

"_Ohh, I swear if I'll get punished I'll punish him myself." James muttered._

_They knocked on the door and got called in._

"_Uhm, hello? We got called here..." Logan said to the secretary, Ms. Steward._

"_I know honey. Director Miller is already waiting for you three." she said in a voice with an emotion Logan would describe as...pity? _

"_Oh, um, okay, thank you." Logan said for all of them, confused by the pity in Ms. Stewards voice._

_James knocked on Mr. Miller's door._

"_Yes?" it answered through the closed door._

_The three entered the room._

"_Oh, there you boys are. Would you please come and sit down." He offered them chairs._

_And again Logan could hear pity in the voice, by now he was more than a little worried._

"_Thanks director Miller." James thanked._

"_So, can I ask you boys a question?" he asked and all of them could sense that he feels uncomfortable._

"_Uh, sure, I guess." Carlos said._

"_When was the last time you've seen Kendall?" He asked them._

_They were all a little unsure how to answer._

_They didn't expect a question like this._

"_Oh, yesterday. We had hockey practise." James answered._

"_And after that? Did you know if he had to planed to go somewhere?" Mr. Miller continued to ask._

"_Yeah, he and his dad went to a hockey game, why?" Carlos said._

_Mr. Miller took a deep breath and by then all the boys were afraid what he was about to say._

"_Guys, Kendall and his dad did go to the game, but when they were driving home, they got in an accident." he told the boys._

_The three pre-teens gasped._

"_I'm so sorry boys, I know how close you all are. I can imag-" he begun but Carlos interrupted, suddenly able to talk again._

"_Wait! Is he okay? Kendall isn't hurt, is he? I mean I talked to him yesterday and no-" he said but Logan calmed him when he put his arm around his shoulder._

"_Guys, Kendall is okay. He got a few cracked ribs, a broken leg some cuts over his face and torso and hit his head pretty strong and has a concussion, but he is okay." he told them. _

_Logan felt that this wasn't everything and then it hit him._

"_You say Kendall is alright?" he asked with a shaky voice._

_Mr. Miller nodded._

"_And his dad?" he asked quietly._

_Mr. Miller looked him directly in the eyes, shocked at the question and looked to the floor._

_Logan felt tears running down his cheeks, because he just realised what had happened._

_Kendall has lost his father._

_**X**_

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After the boys were finished with their meals they headed back home.

"So what are we going to do now? Ohhh how about we go to the pool?" Carlos suggested happily.

Logan and James glared at him while Kendall didn't even paid attention and went straight for the big orange couch.

"Oh. Sorry." Carlos whispered guilty when he noticed his mistake.

They went to Kendall and sat down beside him.

Logan on his right side, James on his left and Carlos sat in front of them on the floor.

"You still don't want to talk?" James asked quietly and as careful as possible, knowing exactly how easy you could get Kendall to built walls around him and refuse to show his emotions.

"What is there to talk about?" Kendall asked looking at his feet.

"Kendall, since it happened you never wanted to talk to anyone about it. You know that it's not good to keep too much inside. We just want you to be okay,..." Logan begun.

"I AM okay!" Kendall yelled, suddenly angry again.

His friends backed off, surprised by his sudden outburst.

Kendall noticed how his friend reacted and calmed himself.

"Sorry guys. I didn't want to yell at you." he said looking back at his feet again.

"You have nothing to be sorry about." Logan told him and patted his shoulder.

"Maybe you should have gone with your mom and Katie. It could have helped to distract you." Carlos told him.

"But I don't want to be distracted! That would mean I'm trying to forget about him and I won't do that. Ever!" Kendall got louder again, feeling the tears starting to form and tried to fought the urge to let them fall.

That didn't happen at his fathers funeral, not together with his mom and sister when they cried and never since then, so why should he cry now?!

"We didn't mean it like that buddy. We just meant that it could have been good for you to make yourself forget about that day, not him..." Logan started, feeling uncomfortable.

The blond didn't answer he still looked at his feed, trying desperately to keep the tears inside.

"Kendall. We just want to help... ." Carlos said, also feeling tears starting to form when he saw how much all of this hurt his youngest friend.

"I'm not the one who need help. My dad was the one who needed help but it came too late... ." Kendall said, voice cracking.

"You know, we don't even know how it happened. We just know that it did happen..." James told him.

Now the blond looked up at them.

"Has nobody told you?" he asked them unbelieving.

They shook their heads.

"Everyone said if you want to tell us then it would be alright, but otherwise we shouldn't ask or something like that..." Logan said.

"Oh." Kendall replied.

Now he's the one who feels bad. He knew that they all loved his dad too. They were all like a huge family.

When Kendall was in his room with them they never asked about the accident so the thought they just didn't want to make him talk about it.

He didn't knew that they had no clue how his dad died in the car crash.

Kendall thought for a moment while biting his nails until it hurts.

"Do you want to know what happened?" he asked quietly.

They all new that this was a big step for Kendall, now they have to be careful.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want us to know." Logan said.

"It is your decision. We're not pushing you to do something." James continued.

Carlos just nodded, agreeing with his friends.

"It okay guys, I know that you loved him too. It's not fair that you never got told something."

Kendall thought back to what happened that day, a memory he usually refused to think about. He knew it would hurt to talk about it, but it would help him to do it. Also it would be only fair to tell the boys.

Kendall started explaining what really happened before his dad died:

_Kendall's Flashback (2):_

_Kendall groaned when he woke up, feeling something warm trickle down his leg and a horrible pain everywhere._

_He could smell smoke and blood but urged himself to open his eyes._

_He blinked several times before he was able to open them completely._

_He looked around where he was but couldn't make out something._

_He started to feel panic raise in his chest and tried to calm himself, knowing it would make everything worse if he panicked._

_'What happened?' he thought, still trying to make out where he was._

_And the he noticed it. _

_He was in his dads car. But something was wrong._

_It was flipped over and he laid across the roof in the inside. Obviously his seat belt has ripped cut and he landed here._

_He made a move to sit up but a sudden pain in his leg stopped him dead in tracks._

"_Ahh!' he cried out, overwhelmed by this new pain._

_He carefully looked down at himself, ignoring the strong and painful throbbing in his head and saw that his leg was not only broken, his flesh was torn and you could see the bone clearly even when it's so dark. _

_His leg was twisted and laid uncomfortable._

_There was so much blood. He had broken bones before, thanks to hockey, but it never hurt like that. _

_But still there was way too much blood to be alone from his leg._

_He looked to his left, where was his dad? How was he?_

_He tried to see something through the dark but after a while he was sure his dad wasn't in his seat anymore._

_Kendall felt tears tickle the back of his eye and made little moves to get out of the car._

_He needed to get to his father._

_Not knowing in what condition his dad was made Kendall' stomach queasy._

"_Dad?" he rasped out. Shocked when he heard his own voice so hoarse and weak._

_The blond cleared his throat and tried it again a little louder._

"_Dad?" _

_No answer._

_Kendall crawled through his window, not caring if he could hurt himself even more because of the shattered glass._

_He fell out of the window and hit the floor hard._

"_AAHHHRG!" he screamed out. He was in an unbearable pain, but he ignored _

_it._

_He has to find his father._

"_Where are you dad?" he sobbed quietly._

"_Kenny?" he heard his dad' voice and almost jumped from joy._

"_Dad?!" he called back, trying to make out where he was._

"_I'm hear.." he heard him again._

_The little blond followed the sound of his voice until he was on the front side of the turned car._

_What he saw there almost made him throw up._

_There his dad lay. His flesh ripped open with blood running down and covering almost his whole body._

_Ken' face was covered in deep, painful looking cuts and was whiter that the snow._

_But the worst part was the huge peace of metal which stung out of his stomach where he had his hands around it._

_When the older man saw his little son crawl over the floor, hurt and bleeding it broke his heart which hurts worse then his body itself._

_He fought himself to smile at Kendall._

_That was it for Kendall, he turned his head to the side and threw up heavily._

_The heaves hurt his body to no end, he felt his ribs crack more with every new heave._

"_Kendall. Come here please." his father called for him, wanting nothing more than comforting his little boy and because he couldn't move he needed to call him._

_The blond, panting heavily moved over the few meters to his dad._

_When he arrived his body hurt even more, which he thought wasn't even possible but was proved wrong._

_Ken opened an arm as best as he could and Kendall crawled in it, burring his face in his side and started sobbing._

"_No, c'mon big man. There is no need to cry. Everything will be fine." he tried to calm the terrified boy even if he knew he was not telling the truth._

_Kendall just started sobbing harder. He wasn't stupid, he knew that what his father said were lies. But he wanted to believe it so badly._

"_Shh. You're okay. You're okay." he stroked Kendall' sweet and blood covered hair._

_Finally the young blond was able to stop sobbing but the tears continued running down his eyes constantly._

"_Daddy..."he looked up at him, green eyes meeting green eyes._

_It shattered Kens heart when he heard his son call him in such a frighten voice._

"_I know buddy. Don't worry okay?" he said, not sure how to response._

"_How could I not worry dad. I-I want to help you." he pleaded._

_Kens eyes started watering._

_He didn't want to tell his 10 year old son that there was nothing he could do to _

_stop what's going to happen._

"_Actually there is something important you can do for me." he told him._

"_Really?" Kendall asked, a little bit hope starting to grow._

"_Yes. You can promise me something... ." he continued._

_Kendall' face fell again, tears getting bigger._

"_Can you promise me something?" he asked when his son didn't response._

_The blond nodded slowly._

_Ken looked him deep in the eyes and tighten his hold on Kendall which was still so weak._

"_Kendall. I need you to take care of mommy and your little sister when... when I can't do that anymore." he started._

"_But-but daddy, why won't you be able to do that anymore?" Kendall asked unusual naïve._

"_Oh Kenny, why are you making it so hard for me?" he asked sadly and quiet so Kendall couldn't really hear._

"_Sometimes" he started and took a deep breath, noticing how hard it was to breath. "people have to leave, even if they don't want to." he sadly._

_Kendall nodded. He knew what dead was, but he just thought only old and sick people would die. This was new for him._

"_And I'm not sure if I can be here long enough to take care of your mom, you and your sister." he said._

"_I don't understand this, where will you go when you won't stay here?" he asked._

"_I will go to a wonderful place where I'll wait for you until you join me." he smiled no longer able to hold back the tears when he saw Kendall' face._

_Kendall knew exactly what his dad was talking about but he didn't want to believe it._

"_I don't want you to go dad! Please stay with me. Don't leave me alone." Kendall pleaded holding tight at his father._

"_I'm so sorry, I can't help it Kendall. I don't want to leave either." he said and laid his head on Kendall', carefully so he won't hurt his injured son._

"_Kendall, we need to call help. Can you please take my phone out of my left pocket and call 911?" he asked him._

_Kendall did as he was told and made a quick call but not without crying. He thought he has never cried this much and this long in his life._

_They promised him help would come as soon as possible and they should hang on._

_They hugged each other again, enjoying the warmth._

_They cried together for about an hour or two, none of them saying anything._

_Ken could feel that he got weaker by the second. He needed to stay awake, he doesn't want to imagine what it would be like for Kendall if he died with him in his arms._

_But he felt so tired, why wasn't help already there?_

_Ken decided to do something. He won't let it happen that he fade away while holding his son awake so he could see everything._

"_Come on buddy. Maybe we should sleep a bit." he said, trying to smile._

_Kendall looked at him._

"_You'll be there when I wake up, right?" he asked quietly._

"_I'll always be with you Kendall. Even if you can't see me I'll never leave you, your mom or Katie. I love you." he said._

_Kendall started crying softly again._

_That wasn't the answer he wanted, but he knew that his dad couldn't give him the answer he wants to hear._

"_I love you too daddy." he said and buried his face in his dads side again._

"_Good night Kenny."_

"_Sleep well dad." he said. _

_With that they both fell asleep._

_End of the flashback_

**X**

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… the boys in apartment 2J listened to every word their blond said. By now all of them were tearing up and tried not to let the tears fall.

"When I woke up there were paramedicsall around me. They asked me questions like 'What's your name?', "Where does it hurt?' and things like that.

I didn't know what was happening. I just knew that everything hurts

I tried to crawl more into my father, getting away from too much attention but I noticed how cold and stiff he suddenly was...

I looked at him and- and saw that he was dead." Kendall told them. He talked as if he was in trance. Totally lost in this horrible memory.

"I remember that I started screaming. Screaming at my dad to wake up, screaming at the paramedics to leave...I just...screamed.

They dragged me away from him and put his body in this huge corpse bag.

I wasn't allowed to stay with him. Then all I remember is that I fell asleep in the ambulance and woke up in the hospital with all of you around me." Kendall finished his story with a sign and returned to reality.

Logan, James and Carlos just sat there, not knowing what to say after they heard what their friend had to go through in such a young age.

Before any of them could say something the door to the apartment opened and Mrs. Knight and Katie entered.

"Hello boys, how ar- what happened?" she started but when she noticed the looks on each boys' face got worried.

None of them answered.

"Boys? Oh god, what happened?" she asked dropping her stuff and got to the four teens.

Katie stayed uncomfortable in the doorway.

"Nothing happened mom. I just told them about dad." Kendall said, not wanting his mother to worry without any reason.

"Oh." she said and sat down beside her son when James went over and made space for her between them.

"How was your trip?" he asked, wanting to change the topic.

"It was...okay I guess." she answered him honestly. She didn't want to lie to her son, knowing he would notice.

Kendall nodded and looked to the floor.

The mood in the room was heavy.

"I told them about the accident." he told his mother quietly.

Mrs. Knight looked from her son to James, to Logan, to Carlos and back to Kendall.

"Really?" she asked him a little surprised.

He nodded.

"I didn't know that nobody ever told them how he died." he told her.

"Because none really did Kendall. You refused to open up, that's why we got you a therapist. He told us that if you feel ready to talk that you would and we shouldn't make you." she admitted.

"Oh." was all he said.

Then he wrapped his arms around his mother and took in her familiar odour .

"Thank you for everything. I know that it was so hard for you. I love you

mom." he whispered in her ear, not wanting anyone else to hear the words which only were supposed for his mother.

She smiled. "I love you too honey."

"So, who is hungry?" she asked everyone with a smile.

Everyone's mood was better and after a while they all sat together eating.

_A few hours later:_

Kendall was fast asleep in his bed when he heard a knock on the door and quiet footsteps enter the room.

He cracked his eyes open and sat up a little to see his sister with eyes full of tears standing beside his bed.

"Katie?" he asked worried.

"Uhm...would you-would you mind if I sleep here for the night?" she asked him quietly and ashamed.

He smiled at her, knowing how she felt and made space for her on the mattress.

The other boys were all snoring softly and didn't even notice that Katie was there.

She crawled under the sheets and wrapped her arms around Kendall' waist while burying her face in his chest and relaxed by the steady beat of his heart.

"Kendall?" she asked again.

"Hmm?" he responded while stroking her hair.

"Could you sing that song you used to sing when I was younger?" she asked him, feeling stupid for acting so young but needed it at the moment.

"Of course." he smiled and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

With that he started singing Be Still by the Fray.

He sang this song to her when they were younger every time before she went to bed.

It was the song Ken used to sing to Kendall when he was younger.

_Be still and know that I'm with you  
__Be still and know that I am here  
Be still and know that I'm with you  
Be still, be still, and know_

When darkness comes upon you  
And covers you with fear and shame

_Be still and know that I'm with you  
And I will say your name_

If terror falls upon your bed  
And sleep no longer comes  
Remember all the words I said  
Be still, be still, and know

And when you go through the valley  
And the shadow comes down from the hill  
If morning never comes to be  
Be still, be still, be still

If you forget the way to go  
And lose where you came from  
If no one is standing beside you  
Be still and know I am

Be still and know that I'm with you  
Be still and know I am

When Kendall sang the last word he gave the now asleep Katie one last kiss on the forehead and closed his eyes, ready let sleep overtake him.

Maybe he couldn't get his father back, not for his mother, not for himself, not for Katie.

But he could make sure his sister and mother wouldn't feel alone. He'd be always there for them.

And his father would watch them and make sure they are all okay. Just like he promised.

Life goes on and so do they.

**X**

**x**

**x**

**X**

**Woooooh...that was long, huh? I hope it was not TOO long.**

**I'd be glad if you leave a review and tell me if you liked it. :)**

**I enjoyed writing it and hope you enjoyed reading.**

**Love you guys.**

**-Talida**


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